بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم
الحمد الله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله و بعد
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Compiled by: Umm Safura
Making Excuses For Your Fellow Brothers & Sisters
Shaykh 'Abdul-'Azīz Ibn 'Abdullāh Ibn 'Abdur-Rahmān Ibn Bāz:
"What is prescribed for the believer is to respect his brother if he apologises to him and accept his excuse if possible, and to think positively of him whenever possible, in hopes that hearts will be free from resentment and that people will be brought together and will incorporate in doing good. It was narrated by `Umar ibn Al-Khattāb - may Allāh be pleased with him -
"Do not think badly of a word uttered by your brother, when you can find a good interpretation for it."
Majmoo' Fataawa Ibn Bāz [26/365]
‘Abdullāh Ibn Muhammad Ibn Manaazil saod: "The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, and the hypocrite seeks the mistakes for his brothers."
Ja’far Ibn Muhammad said: “If something that you dislike reaches you about your brother then search for one excuse for him up to seventy excuses. If it hits the mark, (then good). If not, then say, ‘Perhaps he has an excuse that I am not aware of.‘ ”
[Al-Jaami' Li Shu'ab Al-Īmān, 14/442]
Muhammad Ibn Sireen said: “If something reaches you about your brother, then search for an excuse for him.
If you do not find an excuse for him, then make an excuse for him.”
[Al-Jaami' Li Shu'ab Al-Īmān, 14/441]
Abū Haatim said: “Rebuking a person’s for their every mistake, even minor ones, constantly, will lead to the love diminishing.”
[Rawdhah, p. 182]
Fudayl Ibn ‘Iyaḍ asid: “Whoever seeks a brother without faults would never have a brother to be his friend.”
[Rawdatul ‘Uqaalaa, p. 169]
Here's a list of excuses you can make (some maybe repeated, it can also be a reminder):
He/she was upset
He/she is depressed
He/she found out bad news
He/she is suffering from an illness
He/she lost their job
He/she is in debt
He/she lost a family member
He/she's mind is all over the place - they can't think straight
He/she found out they have an illness
He/she are looking after their ill family member
He/she snapped because of pressure they are facing - something you do not know about!
He/she is upset and is being pressured
He/she didn't know
He/she was crying
He/she is being abused
He/she is going through divorce
She had a miscarriage
He/she is in an abusive relationship
He/she is suffering from a hardship
You studied Adab al Mufrad - you need to try out what you learnt
He/she wants to be alone so that they can respond to you later with kindness, not when they are in a mess.
Have patience with them and don't pressure them with a lot of stuff, if they have volunteered to help but is lacking then here's some excuses you can make:
He/she has to do other tasks other people have asked them to do. Give them a chance and don't constantly nag them lest they pull themselves away from you!
He/she has a surprise for you
Is sensitive because of things that have happened in the past
He/she's marriage is falling a part
He/she needs support but aren't not receiving any
He/she has lost contact with family members and are trying to reconcile with them
He/she is trying their best but you are not appreciating
He/she ignored you because they do not wish to answer it
He/she has been threatened, sometimes it can be life threatening
He/she is trying their best to make time for you but things keep coming up - Qadr Allah be patient
You asked Allah to test you with patience and good mannerisms now is your chance to work on it!
He/she is alone/lonely
You are being hasty, be patient and know everything will happen in its own time, your hastiness could lead to destruction.
Maybe it's something you said which made them react, be humble and accept your mistake
He/she doesn't like to be rushed as they will end up panicking
He/she has not fulfilled the task yet as they have been caught up
He/she doesn't want to tell you something that's private
He/she were neglected in their childhood and are finding it hard to know how to respond to certain things, or in general they find it hard to respond to things
He/she is suffering from an untold story
He/she forgot, because of an illness or stress
He/she is shy, so they shy away from things
He/she is being oppressed
He/she has been slandered
You just believed a lie that has been said about them
You said something horrible that hurt their feelings (they're avoiding you) - repent
You're not giving them space!
He/she might have repented for a sin, don't look down upon them like the saying goes: "Judging people is not our responsibility. It is not our duty to think of punishing others."
The one who is deficient, we should not belittle him nor ruin him. The one who makes mistakes from amongst us, we should not demolish him. May Allah bless you. Rather, we should rectify the situation with gentleness and wisdom and we should approach him with love, concern, and all the praiseworthy mannerisms. We advise him with true advice in order that he returns and repents.
Majmoo' Khutub wa Rasaail Volume 1 page 481
"There is nothing heavier on the Scale than good manners."
Recorded by Abū Dāwūd with a Ṣaḥīh chain
Explanation of Important Lessons For Every Muslim - Shaykh Ibn Bāz page 290
Allah is testing you to see how you treat others
He/she is in pain, whether it be physically or mentally
He/she is going through anxiety/panic attacks - the remaining symptoms can go on for weeks.
He/she has another side to their story which you do not know about - don't be to quick to assume things
He/she is need of mercy and kindness
He/she is trying their best - be careful how you treat a person
He/she have received the most horrible news
He/she wants to repent to Allah (so they didn't respond to you).
He/she said yes to help you because they don't want you to be disappointed, appreciate it
He/she said no because it's not written for them to help you - seek assistance from Allah
You have not implemented "To love for your brother as you love for yourself."
Last but not least - he/she have tasted death.
All these excuses can be understood in different ways, there's always reasons for something. Please, please make excuses there are so many things that can be happening in your fellow brother's and sister's lives which they do not want to disclose because they want to be patient and leave it to and entrust their affairs to the Most High. Everyone has different personalities not everyone is like you.
The believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy
Sūrah Al Hujuraat verse 10
And finally treat people like you would like to be treated! Before you mock them, take these two as a reminder/warning:
Ibn al-Qayyim said: “Whoever mocks his brother for a sin they repented from will not die until he himself falls into the same sin.”
[Madaarij vol 1 p. 177]
Ibn al-Qayyim: Allāh is towards you as you are towards Him and His servants.
(al-Wabil, p. 80)
One of the daughters of Aadam,
Umm Safura b. As-Sa'adiyyah
Shurayh an-Nakha'i said: My wife died before me. I wish she could take from my life or that we died together. I have seen how men hit their wives. May my hand be paralysed if my hand hits Zaynab. |al-Ahkam 1/462|