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4 years 11 months ago - 2 years 1 month ago #2513 by UmmSafura
Making Excuses was created by UmmSafura
بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ ﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ اارَّحِيم
الحمد الله والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله و بعد
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Compiled by: Umm Safura

Making Excuses For Your Fellow Brothers & Sisters

Shaykh 'Abdul-'Azīz Ibn 'Abdullāh Ibn 'Abdur-Rahmān Ibn Bāz:

"What is prescribed for the believer is to respect his brother if he apologises to him and accept his excuse if possible, and to think positively of him whenever possible, in hopes that hearts will be free from resentment and that people will be brought together and will incorporate in doing good. It was narrated by `Umar ibn Al-Khattāb - may Allāh be pleased with him -
"Do not think badly of a word uttered by your brother, when you can find a good interpretation for it."

Majmoo' Fataawa Ibn Bāz [26/365]

‘Abdullāh Ibn Muhammad Ibn Manaazil saod:
"The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, and the hypocrite seeks the mistakes for his brothers."
[Ash-Shu’ab, 7/11197]

Ja’far Ibn Muhammad said:
“If something that you dislike reaches you about your brother then search for one excuse for him up to seventy excuses. If it hits the mark, (then good). If not, then say, ‘Perhaps he has an excuse that I am not aware of.‘ ”
[Al-Jaami' Li Shu'ab Al-Īmān, 14/442]

Muhammad Ibn Sireen said:
“If something reaches you about your brother, then search for an excuse for him.
If you do not find an excuse for him, then make an excuse for him.”

[Al-Jaami' Li Shu'ab Al-Īmān, 14/441]

Abū Haatim said:
“Rebuking a person’s for their every mistake, even minor ones, constantly, will lead to the love diminishing.”
[Rawdhah, p. 182]

Fudayl Ibn ‘Iyaḍ asid:
“Whoever seeks a brother without faults would never have a brother to be his friend.”
[Rawdatul ‘Uqaalaa, p. 169]


Here's a list of excuses you can make (some maybe repeated, it can also be a reminder):
  • He/she was upset
  • He/she is depressed
  • He/she found out bad news
  • He/she is suffering from an illness
  • He/she lost their job
  • He/she is in debt
  • He/she lost a family member
  • He/she's mind is all over the place - they can't think straight
  • He/she found out they have an illness
  • He/she are looking after their ill family member
  • He/she snapped because of pressure they are facing - something you do not know about!
  • He/she is upset and is being pressured
  • He/she didn't know
  • He/she was crying
  • He/she is being abused
  • He/she is going through divorce
  • She had a miscarriage
  • He/she is in an abusive relationship
  • He/she is suffering from a hardship
  • You studied Adab al Mufrad - you need to try out what you learnt
  • He/she wants to be alone so that they can respond to you later with kindness, not when they are in a mess.
  • He/she fainted


Have patience with them and don't pressure them with a lot of stuff, if they have volunteered to help but is lacking then here's some excuses you can make:

  • He/she has to do other tasks other people have asked them to do. Give them a chance and don't constantly nag them lest they pull themselves away from you!
  • He/she has a surprise for you
  • Is sensitive because of things that have happened in the past
  • He/she's marriage is falling a part
  • He/she needs support but aren't not receiving any
  • He/she has lost contact with family members and are trying to reconcile with them
  • He/she is trying their best but you are not appreciating
  • He/she ignored you because they do not wish to answer it
  • He/she has been threatened, sometimes it can be life threatening
  • He/she is trying their best to make time for you but things keep coming up - Qadr Allah be patient
  • You asked Allah to test you with patience and good mannerisms now is your chance to work on it!
  • He/she is alone/lonely
  • You are being hasty, be patient and know everything will happen in its own time, your hastiness could lead to destruction.
  • Maybe it's something you said which made them react, be humble and accept your mistake
  • He/she doesn't like to be rushed as they will end up panicking
  • He/she has not fulfilled the task yet as they have been caught up
  • He/she doesn't want to tell you something that's private
  • He/she were neglected in their childhood and are finding it hard to know how to respond to certain things, or in general they find it hard to respond to things
  • He/she is suffering from an untold story
  • He/she forgot, because of an illness or stress
  • He/she is shy, so they shy away from things
  • He/she is being oppressed
  • He/she has been slandered
  • You just believed a lie that has been said about them
  • You said something horrible that hurt their feelings (they're avoiding you) - repent
  • You're not giving them space!
  • He/she might have repented for a sin, don't look down upon them like the saying goes: "Judging people is not our responsibility. It is not our duty to think of punishing others."


Shaykh Rabee:

The one who is deficient, we should not belittle him nor ruin him. The one who makes mistakes from amongst us, we should not demolish him. May Allah bless you. Rather, we should rectify the situation with gentleness and wisdom and we should approach him with love, concern, and all the praiseworthy mannerisms. We advise him with true advice in order that he returns and repents.

Majmoo' Khutub wa Rasaail Volume 1 page 48
1

"There is nothing heavier on the Scale than good manners."
Recorded by Abū Dāwūd with a Ṣaḥīh chain

Explanation of Important Lessons For Every Muslim - Shaykh Ibn Bāz page 290

  • Allah is testing you to see how you treat others
  • He/she is in pain, whether it be physically or mentally
  • He/she is going through anxiety/panic attacks - the remaining symptoms can go on for weeks.
  • He/she has another side to their story which you do not know about - don't be to quick to assume things
  • He/she is need of mercy and kindness
  • He/she is trying their best - be careful how you treat a person
  • He/she have received the most horrible news
  • He/she wants to repent to Allah (so they didn't respond to you).
  • He/she said yes to help you because they don't want you to be disappointed, appreciate it
  • He/she said no because it's not written for them to help you - seek assistance from Allah
  • You have not implemented "To love for your brother as you love for yourself."
  • Last but not least - he/she have tasted death.

All these excuses can be understood in different ways, there's always reasons for something. Please, please make excuses there are so many things that can be happening in your fellow brother's and sister's lives which they do not want to disclose because they want to be patient and leave it to and entrust their affairs to the Most High. Everyone has different personalities not everyone is like you.


إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ

The believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers, and fear Allah, that you may receive mercy
Sūrah Al Hujuraat verse 10

And finally treat people like you would like to be treated! Before you mock them, take these two as a reminder/warning:

Ibn al-Qayyim said:
“Whoever mocks his brother for a sin they repented from will not die until he himself falls into the same sin.”
[Madaarij vol 1 p. 177]

Ibn al-Qayyim:
Allāh is towards you as you are towards Him and His servants.
(al-Wabil, p. 80)

One of the daughters of Aadam,
Umm Safura b. As-Sa'adiyyah

Shurayh an-Nakha'i said: My wife died before me. I wish she could take from my life or that we died together. I have seen how men hit their wives. May my hand be paralysed if my hand hits Zaynab. |al-Ahkam 1/462|
Last edit: 2 years 1 month ago by UmmSafura.

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