How to achieve love and closeness between the spouses? - Shaykh Muhammad al-Anjari explains,
But indeed, the love and closeness between the husband and the wife, the man and the woman, it must be something which is achieved, it must be there. But the Shaykh has just said that this is from Allah, so how can this be brought about? What are the causes which bring about this love and closeness?
First and foremost the Shaykh mentions;
That one must understand that there must be īmān [faith, belief in Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)] and taqwa [righteousness and fear of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)], must be there.
Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) has mentioned, for those who have īmān and taqwa that they have glad tidings and goodness in this life and Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) also mentions as the shaykh reminded us, that whoever turns away from the religion, the remembrance of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) then he will have a constricted, hard life.
So, the one who does not turn away from the deen, who doesn't disobey Allah and in this way then he will not have a constricted, hard life. This is someone who will not have it, if he does not turn away from the remembrance of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى). Therefore, īmān and taqwa must be there, when you restrict between the man and the women, the husband and the wife, then these things must be realised.
The shaykh said, that I will give you an example, a narration from the salaf, one of the salaf used to say that,
"When I fall into sin (when I commit a sin), I recognise this in what occurs between me and my wife". Meaning that when he fell into sin, he disobeyed Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), he would recognise the effects of that in the differences(1) that would occur between him and his wife.
Therefore, when one has deen, īmān and taqwa, closeness and love will be brought about by the permission of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى), even if you think that all the doors are closed, no this is not the case. The shaykh again mentioned the saying of Allah, "whoever has taqwa of Allah, Allah will give him a way out (show him a way out) and provide for him from where he would not imagine".
Meaning, your intellect, your mind would not be able to imagine where this rizq(2) from Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) will come from, that Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) provided, so if you have a difference, you have some differences with your wife, between yourself and your wife then give her, her rights and, turn to Allah (سبحانه و تعالى) making dua(3) to him and (by) asking him, and in this way, this will be brought about (love and closeness between the husband and wife).
(1) an unclear word said after here
Transcribed section from: A Guide to marriage - Shaykh Muhammad al-ʿAnjarī [Translated] (at approx. 38.16)
Transcribed by Wafa Bint Houssam